C’mon now, does it really matter that it’s not “technically” Monday?  Good.  I didn’t think so.  I just figured since I have no clue what’s going to come out tonight, and it was Monday yesterday, I may as well file this under “Monday Madness.”

• Softball has consumed my husband’s life.  Seriously.  About 4 or 5 weeks ago, someone at his work put out an email trying to get a co-ed team together for a city league.  We both thought it would be fun for him, so he joined.  Games were supposed to start the first week of May, so they practiced for several weeks leading up to that week.  By practiced, I mean at least 2, often 3, times a week.  Tuesday night—gone.  Thursday night—gone.  Saturday afternoon—gone.  Do I sound bitchy?  I know, I know, I do.  I can’t help it.  I don’t like him being gone so much.  So, anyway, I was really looking forward to games starting, because then I could go watch and practices would stop.  Yeah, right.  I was wrong!  They had their first game this past Sunday and got beat.  Badly.  So, they decided they needed to keep practicing.  So, its Tuesday—you know the drill.  Thursday night—you got it—more practice.  It’s really weird, actually, because I kind of enjoy my nights at home, getting laundry done, blogging, etc.  But at the same time, I *hate* him being gone.  wtf???
• While we’re on the subject, and I’m being honest, I’ll tell you one other reason I’m a crazy wife.  When I went to the game Sunday, I met the rest of the team.  There are two young, (relatively) attractive single girls on his team.  I told him tonight that I hate this.  Yes!  I trust him.  But for some reason, I just don’t like my husband involved in social activities with girls like this.  I laughed and told him tonight if they were butt-ass-ugly, I wouldn’t care so much.  What’s wrong with me???
• OK, now that I’ve made myself seem like a ridiculously crazy wife……I’ll tell you something to make you love him even more.  A few weeks ago, I asked one of those random, weird girl questions simply because it popped into my head.  Before I tell you what I asked him, let me caution you and say I would NOT NOT NOT recommend asking questions like these.  It could have backfired and ended up being not. a. good. thing.  So, we were sitting on the couch, watching TV, and I said “So, babe, what’s your favorite body part on me?”  ok, OK!  Stop laughing at me now…..I know, its like asking “do I look fat in these pants?”………a smart husband either lies or pleads the 5th.  My hubby?  Answered the question.  Without even thinking much.  Just popped out an answer (which is how I know am relatively sure he was being honest).  His answer?  “Your stomach.”  Now this?  Made me laugh out loud, people!  He was like, “Why are you laughing?”  I said because my stomach isn’t toned or special in any way; in fact, while the size of it (based on inches, I guess) is OK, its really rather soft and “squishy.”  He just said, “Well, I like it.”  How sweet is that??
• Being a mother to the dogs sometimes makes me doubt my ability to be a real parent–you know, to human children.  Like this week, for instance, I need to call the vet about Baby Boy and I keep forgetting.  He has a genetic heart problem that we have to monitor.  The doc says that if he starts coughing any more than randomly, they need to know because it probably means that he has fluid on his lungs (or heart?  I’m not sure—see?  that’s another reason why I’m a bad mother.   I don’t even know precisely what his condition entails).  Anyway, if he starts coughing, they need to put him on some medication to help with it.  He was coughing a lot more than usual this weekend and I MUST call the vet, but I’ve forgotten for two days now!
• Have I mentioned that the end of the school year keeps coming closer and closer?  I can almost TASTE it now!  I’m soooooooooooo excited!  Wait, lemme count….. (short pause) …..yep, only 12 days left!  And 3 of those are half days.  <<<<<insert wild banshee screaming and jumping here>>>>

OK, laundry calls.  Actually, its dinner calling, but I guess since I’m up off my lazy arse, I’ll switch out the laundry loads, too.

Tootles!

Hi!  I’m home alone (by choice) and I feel like blogging…..for some reason, I’m thinking this one could turn out loooong.  Not because I have so much important stuff to tell you, but……well, just because I can. 

What’s that you say?  What’s with the blog title?  Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll get to that, I promise.  Just sit tight and read for as long as you want.  Should you get tired and quit before the end?  That’s OK, you won’t miss out on the prize or anything.  And, I forgive you in advance. 

I  think I shall just give you a good rundown of my life for the past week or so, with my usual random-ness thrown in just for good measure. (Yes, I used the word “shall”—call me a quasi-Brit, if you want.)

Last Week:

There was sort of a lot going on last week.  First of all, I had to complete all the final assignments for my online classes.  I had to design a website for my technology course (btw, weebly.com is awesome for that) and I had to finish writing up my research project and get it bound and submitted.  Good news!  I finished it ALL!  I finished the tech class stuff on Tuesday and I submitted my research work on Saturday morning!  That means I am D-O-N-E!  Not just with my classes for this semester, but done forever!  I will now have my MAT and I do NOT plan on going back for more.  I keep hoping my hubby will do something awesome, like send me flowers……….but ((sigh)) that hasn’t happened yet and he doesn’t read my blog, so oh well.  Now, now, don’t any of you even THINK of calling him (or texting him, Chrissy!) and telling him to do it.  It wouldn’t be the same if he didn’t think of it on his own!  It’s OK, though.  I know he is proud and happy for me, even with no flowers! 

So, anyway, all that was happening last week, plus we took our students on a field trip on Thursday.  Normally?  I love taking the kids on field trips.  This group?  Not so much.  They suck.  Their behavior is so bad they embarrass us and I was disappointed with them on this trip.  Then, Friday was our school’s equivilant of “field day,” where they do games and stuff outside for most of the day.  It was fine, those days are just exhausting.

The weekend:

Friday night was great!  We had bunco for the first time and I had so much fun!  Lucky and Rachel are both in the group, so it was great to hang out with them.  I think this group is going to be terrific, as long as we can keep it all together!

Saturday the weather was absolutely gorgeous–sunny, high 70’s–perfect!  Hubby and I actually worked in the yard ALL afternoon, until it got dark.  If you’ve seen my house, you may remember the gi-normous holly bushes trees that were across my front flower bed.  There were/are 4 of them and they were/are SO big.  Seriously, the “trunk” of each of them probably has at least an 8-inch diameter.  Well, we (ok, I) decided that they needed to go!  They are just too big, covering the house and the windows across the front and just not our taste at all.  We figured the roots would be difficult to get up.  To say we underestimated that would be outright laughable.  We had NO freakin’ clue what those roots were like.  The first thing hubby did was use a mini-chainsaw thing to cut the bushes/trees down to just a stump.  Then we tried to dig around them so we could see the roots.  They were huge!  I wish I had taken a picture.  He used the saw to cut the roots from the stump, then we tried digging up the roots.  One of us digging with the shovel, the other pulling on the root with ALL our strength.  Some of those damn roots were over 4 feet long.  Some are so long that they have grown underneath the bricked flower bed wall and out below the yard!  We just had to cut those off and leave them.  Anyway, we got one all the way out and one most of the way out.  The other 2 still stand—but not for long!  Those bitches are history!

Saturday night we collapsed on the couch, ordered a pizza and literally fell asleep there (ONE of us sitting straight up–but I’m not saying which one  **cough, cough**hubby**cough, cough**) until we got up and forced ourselves upstairs at 2am.  Sunday we woke up to rain, rain, rain.  So, after letting the puppy dog go pee, I promptly got back in the bed and we slept………until 11:15am!  It was beautiful!  Then we went to the mothership and ran some other errands and had a great afternoon, rain and all (thank you Kellie for the use of your word!)

This week, so far:

It’s cold!  I hate it.  I thought sweater weather was over!  But I’ve worn one for two days now.  Supposed to be 80 again tomorrow, so I’m crossing my fingers.  I decided that I could not stand to “teach” the 65 hellions for one. more. second. this year, so I’ve had a brilliant idea.  I found a movie/play that related to my curriculum and we are watching it–spread out over all 5 days this week!  Woo-hoo!  Then next week I’m going to give them a project to work on all week, relating to the themes we’ve identified in this movie!  Woo-hoo!  The week after that is “exam prep/review” week, then the last week is exams, and then we are DONE!  QUADRUPLE WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG.  Here I was, about to end this post and I realized that I didn’t even tell you the story that this blog titled is related to.  “Homicidal Tendencies.”  Its about ants.  Not the cute ones from the animiated movie.  The horrible, horrendous, hellacious, homicide-inducing ones that apparently live under every square inch of my yard.  I’m. not. kidding.  I have to keep the kitchen abso-freakin-lutely meticulous to keep them out.  They have some fucking secret entry into the kitchen somewhere.  It’s like a damn ant-super-speedway.  Those little m-f-ers.  Every single time we go outside in the back or the front, I see a new trail of them crawling around or ON the house.  It is really ridiculous.  I’ve got to do something!  Hence the homicidal tendencies!

Hey, you, yes, YOU:

If you’ve seriously stuck with this post THIS long…..you are a true friend and I truly love you. 

OR—-you have no life and nothing better to do.  That’s cool, too.

PEACE OUT, GIRLS!

I stole this from Rachel.  So there. 

A - ADVOCATE FOR: I guess I’d have to say animals, especially after that episode of Oprah I watched cried through when they were showing the puppy mills.  The US Humane Society has some super cute tshirts on their website that support the cause (getting rid of puppy mills, that is).  I think I’m going to get one.  I’ve always said that I care more about most random animals than I do random humans.  I really wish I had tons of land and I would just rescue all the sweet doggies that I could.

B - BEST FEATURE: I would assume this means “physical” feature, which is hard for me to pick because I honestly don’t like much.  (Shush it!  I don’t!)  I really DO love my hair color, though.  It’s totally natural and I’ve never once colored it.  Well, actually, last year I added some reddish-maroon streaks underneath (which I loved, btw), but never really colored it.

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: hah!  so many things.  Bad children in my classroom.  Bad parents at my school.  The extra insulation on my thighs.  Bees, wasps and other insects with stingers.  The 5 trillion ants that apprently live all around my house.   Really.  Should I go on?

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: To be out of debt.  To be a mom (but not THIS year).  To write.

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: Flip-flops.  Blue jeans.  Chapstick.  Cell phone. 

F - FAVORITE PAST TIME: Sitting on a warm sunny beach listening to the ocean.

G - GOOD AT: writing, procrastinating, being honest

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED:  marijuana.  yes, I’m serious.

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: Pay off our house and all our debt.  Invest, invest, invest (and live off interest)

J - JUNKIE FOR: lots of foods that are bad for me, reality TV

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: well, parts of me I think are kindred with Chrissy, but I swear, the more I read Kellie’s blog and get to know her, I’m starting to think we were separated at birth or something!   

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: this one is hard…I really don’t know.  This is totally random, but just popped in my head for some reason.  I’m not a very good swimmer.  I can’t go under water without holding my nose, so that kind of kills my chances at swimming for “real.”  I love pools, though!

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: Oh, I have lots!  The day I got Baby Boy–I’ll never in my life forget the way he looked curled up in my lap on the ride home or how he literally fit in the palm of my hand.  This is not a good one, but the day I knew for sure I was not going to stay married to my ex–vivid memory of the entire day/night.  A good one–the night of my wedding last August when we made the phone calls home to tell our parents we had just gotten married on the beach–it was nervewracking, not knowing how they would react, but we were so excited and happy!

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: settle

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: I don’t think I have one.  I don’t really deny myself something if I really want it.  That’s probably not a good idea….

Q - QUOTE: (ok, I’m going all the way to my myspace page to get this, so I can get it right!)  “Choosing to live your life by your own choice is the greatest freedom you will ever have.  It is only when you exercise your right to choose that you can also exercise your right to change.  The end result of your life here on earth will always be the sum total of the choices you made while you were here”–I can’t remember just know who said it, but I found it on some business’ card at a middle school conference 2 years ago.

R - REASON TO SMILE: there are only 20 days left in my school year that I have to see the children!

S - SORRY ABOUT: Not setting more “Nazi” like hard and fast rules at the beginning of the school year.

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: You!

U - UNINTERESTED IN: any professional sport that is not nfl football (and sometimes golf)

V - VERY SCARED OF: spiders

W - WORST HABIT: I procrastinate on almost everything.  Like right now, I so need to be cleaning the house for bunco, but am I?  No.  I’m blogging and then I’ll probably spend way too much time figuring out what’s for dinner and then I’ll watch tv and then……… 

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: honestly?  any place warm with a beach.  Ideal?  Probably Hawaii or maybe some other tropical Pacific island

Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: I love gooey chocolate things.  The richer, the better.

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Gemini (twice the fun!)

OK, yes, I’m stealing again.  This time from her.  But I thought this was a good idea and even though I need to be in bed sleeping, I’m doing this.  So, here is my “attempt” at my day in numbers.  NO, they won’t be in numerical order.  I’m not THAT organized, people.

25–Number of days I have left with the demon spawn children that I teach every day.

65–Number of said children I see every day.

15–Number of the 65 that are actually demon spawn (+/- 5)

1–Number of times the demon spawn made me almost cry today because they make me feel like a failure as a teacher (this is an improvement over some days, for sure)

2–Number of lazy ass dogs currently sleeping in my living room

859–Number of times Rusty has barked loudly for absolutely. NO. REASON. this afternoon/evening

90–Number of minutes that I have actually seen my husband while we were both awake today.  Grrr…Me leaving before he wakes up, plus him having softball practice = not enough time

5–Number of slices of the frozen pizza I ate for dinner tonight

8–Numer of slices of the frozen pizza I *wanted* to eat (that would be all of them, btw)

143–Number of horrible jokes I’ve heard told by celebrities tonight while watching a rerun of the CMT Music Awards

13–Number of pounds I need to lose before June 15th

55–Number of days between now and June 15th

0–Percentage chance that I’ll actually lose all those pounds by June 15th

5–Number of inches I’d have to grow by June 15th to make those 13 extra pounds look good

OK, I could probably sit here and go on all night long.  Or at least until hubby finally gets home.  But, I won’t bore you anymore.  I’m going to make the lazy dogs get up and go pee so we can all go to bed.

I’m sooooooooo behind on reading blogs.  Sorry!  I’ve had the busiest week ever!  I assigned these insane projects that I’ve been totally procrastinating on grading.  I had *major* work due for my graduate classes this week (and next week, too).  Rusty started obedience school this week.  Etc, etc, etc.  There they are!  My excuses!  So shoot me!

OK………I’m going to read all of your blogs now.

Did anyone watch Oprah today?  If not, let me just tell you that I cried for almost the entire hour….and, I’m totally not kidding, my eyes are full of tears just typing the fact that it made me cry.  It was about puppy mills.  First of all, though, they did a tribute to Oprah’s dog Sophie that died last month–it was one of those incredibly swet and sad montage-things, all set to sad music and everything.  The tears from me started then, and practically didn’t stop.  Lisa Ling did an undercover investigation, along with a guy from Main Line Animal Rescue and it was horrible.  Just like Lisa Ling, I’ve heard of puppy mills before, and had heard they were not good places.  “Not good places” is the understatement of the century.  I’ve never seen such horrible conditions.  Look at their website.  You’ll see.  And you’ll probably be as outraged as I was.  Just FYI, they said this is where 99% of pet stores get their puppies.  I’m sure none of you fine folks would EVER think of buying a dog or cat from a pet store, but please don’t!!!!  Get it from a shelter, or a responsible breeder, who will let you come to their house or facility and see the conditions that your new baby comes from!  OK….I’ll get off my soapbox now.

I just feel so bad for all the animals in the world that don’t get the love and care they deserve.  After the show, I was crying (as I am again now!) and went over and gave Baby Boy a big hug and a kiss.  I actually told him (yes, I talk to him out loud, like he’s a human)  that I could not imagine a sweet doggie not getting to be loved like I love him.  He, of course, just looked at me with his big brown eyes, sighed, and stretched back out as he put his head down.  ((sigh)), then I rubbed Rusty’s ear for about 5 minutes, and told him I loved him, too.  He?  Sat there almost collapsing with joy over how good it felt to have his ear rubbed. 

Speaking of the dogs (guess I should’ve titled this post “Canine Stories”), they both had surgeries the other day–Rusty got the old “snip, snip, no babies for you,” and Baby Boy had to have another tooth pulled.  They are both enjoying their pain meds and seem to be feeling great (they say thank you for asking).

Love and wishes for a good weekend, from me and the pooches!

Hi.  I feel like blogging, but everything on my mind is stuff I don’t want “out in the vast unknown.”  (No offense to any of you–its nothing like that–I promise, I love you all)

So, instead, I’m going to start my own version of “Friday Facts” or “Saturday Sayings” or whatever the hell they are.  I have no idea what will come out on “Monday Madness,” but I guess we’ll find out, huh?

• I really do not enjoy most domestic things.  I hate cooking dinner (usually), I don’t like cleaning, don’t get all “zen” by doing laundry….you get the idea.  The only one of those things that ever makes me feel bad is the dinner thing.  I really suck at it.  Not like “you can’t eat my cooking” suck, but just “I’m boring and lack all sorts of dinner creativity” suck.  I know that hubby probably gets tired of the lack of variety.  I’m a really picky eater (no, seriously.  freakishly picky.), so that limits what I want.  I don’t want to cook something I’m not eating, so dinner ends up boring.  We have the same 6 or 7 things all. the. time.
• I cannot STAND onions.  No, wait.  You don’t understand.  My problem with onions is so bad that, if I accidently eat one, its guaranteed to come back up.  I sometimes tell people at restaurants that I’m allergic, just to make sure I don’t get any by mistake.
• My shoe size has grown at least a 1/2 size (maybe closer to a whole size) in the last 2 years.  I knew this could happen when you are pregnant, but hello?  I haven’t been.  I used to wear a size 7, sometimes even a 6.5.  Now?  NONE of my old shoes fit anymore. I have to buy a 7.5 and (gasp!  the horror!) sometimes an 8 fits.  I hate it.  Don’t ask me why, but my sense of physical self is somehow defined as much by my shoe size as it is by my pants-size.
• Speaking of sizes, my mind has been on bikinis lately.  It happens every year at this time.  Every year, when spring starts, I think “OK, I have enough time to shape up a little before my summer beach trip.”  And its true.  I really do have enough time before our August beach vacation to tone up, maybe drop a pound or 12 and feel better about myself in my 2 piece.  But, will it happen?  Ah, well now, that is the magic question.  Most years, no, it does not.  I end up on the beach, covered in self tanner to try and camoflouge the extra “me,” and silently (or, ok, sometimes vocally) cussing my thighs for being the bane of my existence.
• OK, this last one is one nobody hardly anybody knows.  I have a secret dream.  I want to write a book.  Here’s the deal.  I know I have the “ability.”  What I don’t feel too sure about is the “creativity.”  It takes both to write a book, you know.  No, I don’t know what kind.  Sometimes I think I could do a children’s book.  Sometimes I think I could pre-teen type stuff.  Sometimes I think I want to write the Great American Novel.  Who the hell knows?  It’ll probably never happen, but, you know, it feels really ODD to have just put it out there.  Now you all know.

OK, I guess Monday Madness #1 is over.  Later!

I keep thinking I have lots to say in this post, but it might just end up being lots of pictures, who knows??  Who cares, right?  The best posts are unplanned.  Um….aren’t they?  **Oh, and don’t cuss me under your breath for posting pics in the small size, you know you just click on them to make them big and beautiful.**  love ya.  OK, so after posting half of this, I went back and resized the pics and posted them at a better, more viewable size (Ok, except that one–I just can’t figure out what its’ problem is).  Damn, but I must care about y’all. 

First of all, I want you to go on over here and check out my friend’s blog (it’s not really “new,” but its new to me, so you know.).  We work together and she is oh-so-recently engaged to one of the sweetest guys ever (who I also happen to work with).  I think she’s mostly blogging about wedding plans….so it’ll be nostalgic for most of us! 

OK, OK, I hear you screaming, you……you, people.  I know you are just dying to see the “after” of the bitchy bathroom!  Here it is:

I found that shower curtain about a year ago and knew I wanted to do my bathroom in those colors.  OK, truth be told, I wanted to change my bedroom and all to a nice, dark sage with accents of purple.  Then, you know, I got married and the super-macho hubby nixed that idea for the master bedroom.  So, alas, now it lives in my guest bath and guest bedroom.  Anyway, I am SO overly thrilled to be done with that damn bathroom!

Next:  the Party!  It was sooo much fun.  She was there, and her, and she and her husband, too (I also met her earlier that day at the Feel Teal race–it was lovely!).  Anyway, it was a Stock the Bar Party (how clever is my good friend for thinking *that* one up, huh??).  We got a crapton of liquor (thanks Kellie for the word).  Look, I have the picture to prove it:

I tell you, some of my friends know me waaay too well.  We got 3, count ‘em three, bottles of Crown (my favorite) and one bottle of Crown Special Reserve.  Special, indeed.  About 3 or 4 different kinds of vodka (another favorite), some flavored girly-type stuff that I will love and just a whole menagerie of other things!  Oh, and she brought us the absolute cutest thing ever–it was this bottle of Kentucky moonshine, but it was in a mason jar!  How adorable is that??  Anyway, it’s more liquor than we’ll drink anytime soon, but it was super fun!  As promised, here are some more pics (Ok, ok, I’ll try these in larger size, just to see how enormous they come out)  All from the party:

You know who this one is….Me and my lover from Colorado!

And, you know who this one is, too.  Us with Lucky….yep, those are shots!

And, after/during said shots:  (the expressions in this were just TOO funny)

This one, b/c it is classic “hubby” action, plus you get to see more of my house (yee-haw)

This one b/c it just makes my heart smile (and my eyes cry, a little bit)

And this one (with one of our best friend’s daughters), b/c, well, you can see why:

********************************************************

OK, I think that’s all the pictures I have to share for now, plus I’m sure you are ready to move on to someone else’s blog, so I’ll just be done for today.

Duh.  I’m talking about the wallpaper again! (no, it isn’t totally done yet, so you’ll have to wait a few more days for the “after” pic).  First things first, here is the “before” pic.  I don’t believe I need to explain why it HAD to come down.  Pronto.

As you know, it was a BEE-YOTCH trying to get it down.  We steamed.  We scraped.  We saw the back layer of the drywall (hint: you are not supposed to see the back layer).  We sprayed.  We scraped.  We still saw the back layer of the drywall.  We had a couple of men come over to give “professional” estimates.  $200 for one bathroom?  Not bad, but that same day we found out we were not using the steamer in the best way.  So, all set with new instructions, we tried again.  Hooray!  Only little bitty sections of drywall this time.  Nothing we couldn’t spackle over.  So, we did it ourselves.  Here are the “during” pics–the first is the bad section, with waaay too much drywall showing!

Sorry, you’ll just have to be patient for the “after” pic….or you can just get your ass to my house for the par-tay on Saturday and see in live in person!  Yeah, I’m talking to you out-of-towners, too!

LATE BREAKING NEWS:

They are just reporting on the news as I type that Slick Willie is stepping down from the office of Mayor!!!!!!  YEEEE-HAAAW!!  In case you are not from the lovely city of Memphis, that is our horrible, horrible, awful excuse for a Mayor.  He is completely untrustworthy, not to mention racist and he’s been in office forever!  I don’t know the reason, but, really?  Who cares??  He’s out as of July 31.  yes!

OK, I know I have other things to say, but they just aren’t coming to me right now, and I do need to get upstairs and prep the bathroom for the new paint it is getting tonight.

I have NO clue if this is for real or not, but I was browsing blogs on Kellie’s blogroll and from one of those, I linked to this other girl, who is having some kind of contest (there’s a mystery prize and all).

Her blog is the Pink Basement Dweller, check it out.  The contest is to post about what you could stuff a pillow with — OTHER than stuffing or liquids, of course.  Here are my top choices:

1. cotton balls–soft and fluffy and if you used enough, then also firm, perhaps
2. BB’s (as in, pellets for a BB gun)–may be cold, not to mention heavy, but I think it would be oddly comfortable.
3. styrofoam peanuts–who knows?  it may be great.

OK…..do it people.  The contest, I mean!